In light of God's great mercy and grace, I feel selfish and small as I sit here worrying about things that I have no control over. My family is struggling over jobs, and housing situations, and money, and the holidays. It is really hard to not be able to fix it and make it all better.
I feel spoiled because God has richly blessed me with a job that I don't deserve to love like I do! He put a wonderful Godly man in my life for me to love and who loves me in return. I'm so excited to spend my first Christmas with my husband. That brings me joy to think about it.... God has been so good to us! This man he put in my life knows my past failings and my current struggles and still chooses to be a part of my future - amazing love...
I'm re-reading Brennan Manning's book Ruthless Trust and once again I'm challenged in every part of my daily life. Trust is really hard for me to give. I could try to blame that on any number of bad things in my past but it still doesn't change the facts. I like to know things.... It's really hard to accept that my family may or may not find a job but regardless, God is holding them in his hands and I can trust Him with my family. I don't know the plans that God has for my fam - but I can trust that whatever they are, they are plans to prosper them and not to harm them; plans to give them hope and a future.
God, help me to trust you more quickly and to leave my family in your hands... It's so hard to imagine that you love them more than I do. Thanks for your amazing grace to me, a sinner.
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