The biggest thing going on in my life right now is my quest for a new job. I have a deep desire to no longer be associated with the company I'm currently with. I've had a few interviews for new positions but they all involve leaving Lafayette. I would LOVE to leave my current job but I'm reluctant to leave my friends, church, and support group here in Lafayette! A part of me is really excited by the possibility of starting fresh in a new location on the map - the other part of me is scared spit-less at the thought!
Last year was rough for me. I made a lot of bad choices. As a result of that, I'm scared that I'm going to make the wrong choices again. Not the same wrong choices! I'm past that part of my life (hopefully forever!) But I'm afraid that the choices I make will lead me away from the things that God has in store for me! What if I leave my friends and support group here and then move to a new place where I have no accountability? What if there are people here in Lafayette whom I can still help? Especially my quizzers... but then again, I look around and see that God's provided so many new people to work with them and teach them and love them.
I'm worried that I only want to leave Lafayette because I hate my boss and can't respect him. And I certainly don't want to become like him! Is that enough of a reason to leave friends and family and move away? Am I being too selfish in what I want and not considering that maybe God wants me to stay here and continue to be a witness for him where I work? When do you reach the point where enough is enough?!
I'm really excited about one of the job possibilities! This is my dream job! But again, is that selfish of me to want to leave my place here in Lafayette to take that job? I hate the thought of leaving everyone I love here, but again, I'm so excited (and scared) about the idea of a fresh start! *sigh* I've been rambling on and on and back and forth on this so I'll just close this blog now. Any thoughts? My head is swimming with more than I can handle right now! :) But I do know this, that God is for me, and God is for us, who can be against us? Thanks be to God!
1 comment:
Em,
Hey, this sounds like a convo I had with Keith the other day. I'll copy you in on a bit of what I said to him (I was saving it for a blog entry, but it fits here too):
"I think you're still searching for your passion and purpose--i.e., your calling. Speaking personally, I think that frustration and apathy are signs that I'm not living in the "zone." By "zone" I mean the place where God's desire for us and our will and abilities come together. None of us should reside for long periods of time outside of that place. That doesn't mean things won't be difficult or frustrating even when we're in the right place, but it does mean that I think there arises a certain malaise when who we are and who we're made and called to be aren't meshing.
I think being outside of the place(s) God calls or desires for us to be creates a certain frustration inside. It's like we're not functioning at full capacity. Where God wants us can certainly be a number of different places, and for me, Lafayette was the place for a while. But I think when the time comes to move, that God uses that frustration and sense of futility to spur us to change."
As far as your witness to your coworkers (I alwasy think that words looks like cow-orkers when I type it), sometimes we plant seeds and sometimes we sow. There's a time for each.
As far as leaving friends and support, you can be certain that if you seek it, God will provide it in the new place. I know that from experience having lived in 4 different states and 2 countries in the last 12 years. We've seen many friends leave us during the seminary years and we've left many friends in our many moves, but each time God provides new ones. It's certainly not easy or fun though. But it's great knowing we have friends now literally all over the world. Leaving our friends in Lafayette to come here with no one but ourselves was difficult bit it's already evident to me that it was the right move.
I hope this has been helpful. Come and visit or call sometime.
Peace,
Andy
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